Commitment is a funny thing. When in a rhythm and maintaining a regular pattern, it can be easy to sustain. But if one eases up for the briefest of moments, the whole endeavor can fall apart. I think it’s safe to say that’s what happened to my blogging commitment over the past two months.
There are several things that are necessary for regular blog writing, I believe. For one, one has to have experiences worth writing about. I can confirm that I have had quite a few experiences I believe are worth writing about, so that’s not a problem for me. Secondly, time—one has to have a sufficient amount of time to transcribe one’s thoughts to paper. This has been especially hard for me because not only have I had very little time, but I think I take a good deal longer to write entries than most people; rambling and rewriting are not conducive to a speedy schedule. Finally, one has to possess at least a slight smattering of exhibitionist tendencies. If you aren’t particularly interested in showing the world what you’re up to, then it’s going to be that much more difficult to put virtual pen to paper.
I think the third is my largest problem, and for a greater number of reasons than you might think.
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If there’s one thing Japan has begun to strongly instill in me, it’s an appreciation for silence. When riding in trains, subways, buses and elevators, it’s not uncommon for friends to make a little small talk, right? In Japan, this is not the case at all. Sure, if you’re a little kid or some smarmy teenagers you might not care, but generally the people observe a strict code of silence. Those that violate it are rude, foreign or both. I won’t scold friends for doing this, and I’ll freely break the code myself with them, but I feel very awkward when doing so and tend to limit my responses in both length and volume.
The experience of being a foreigner in Japan is filled with these moments, especially when with other foreigners. The warring desires of behaving naturally and avoiding wider social awkwardness are difficult to reconcile.
Perhaps it’s different for the blond haired and blue eyed, who are pretty much doomed to always being stared at. I, on the other hand, can manage a certain measure of camouflage if desired. It’s hardly perfect, and any Japanese person paying attention can easily pick me out of a crowd, but it’s not about pretending to be Japanese. It’s about pretending to not be foreign.
The difference is a simple lack of common sense and basic courtesy. It’s the difference between getting a mild glance versus a long stare. And no matter how immune you may believe yourself to be from the opinions of others, those long stares add up.
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It’s been both fascinating and troubling for me to observe how various ALTs who arrived with me last August have changed over the months. Many of them, who I have only seen maybe once a month, have become radically different in appearance and demeanor. The most common change, I hate to admit, is the gradual replacement of energy and enthusiasm with lethargy and hopelessness. Many of them are broken, frustrated, and eager to return home due to a variety of problems inside and outside of work.
At our last meeting, one of the presentations dealt with how to conduct your final lesson. The presenter stressed it as an opportunity to determine how you would be remembered, stating that “if you treat it like any other class, they’ll just forget you.”
One person in the second row muttered, “That’s fine by me.”
I’m not there yet, but I understand where he’s coming from. While some people become frustrated and lash out, it tends to end with a desire to sweep it all under the rug and leave quietly. Japan can be a very reactionary society, with active force being met with active force. Most of these dissatisfied ALTs find it easier to express themselves in a passive aggressive way which, in the end, is far more consistent with a Japanese mindset.
So at the end of this long, circuitous rambling, my point is that Japanese societal pressures result in more subdued and passive reactions. Blogging is in the opposite spectrum and not really consistent with that.
Yes, it’s ultimately a pretty lame excuse for why I vanished for two months, but it’s all I’ve got. Blah.
Also, the title is not a typo. I’m referencing the Dog’s Eye View song, not the Simon and Garfunkel one.
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